"Yes Means Yes"

            ‘Yes’ Is Better Than ‘No,’ Michael Kimmel and Gloria Steinem’s Op-Ed in The New York Times, highlights the problematic gray area that surrounds sexual consent and the new steps that are being taken to clarify it. Kimmel and Steinem’s main argument is that our notion of consent both socially and legally, needs to change from “no means no” to “yes means yes.”   In other words, the lack of opposition to consent should no longer be viewed as actual consent.  Recently, Senate Bill 967 in California was passed, which changes the legal definition of consent to “yes means yes.”

            While I certainly agree with this bill and believe it should be enacted nationwide, there are obviously going to be those who critique it and view it as the government overstepping their boundaries by trying to control our sex lives.  In particular, many heterosexual men will argue that by needing a verbal “yes”, it takes away and spontaneity and romance out of potential sexual counters. Opponents of the bill might argue: How can I possibly hope to woo a girl if I have to ask her if I’m even allowed to kiss her? If I’m dating or married, I obviously know what my significant other wants.  The article even mentions a young man saying: “If I have to ask those questions, I wont get what I want.” 

            Essentially, these arguments against this revised notion of consent are centered around the worry that the very process of gaining consent will ruin the “mood” and impede any further sexual actions, regardless of the answer. Too often, sex is viewed as something given to one partner by another (typically women), not a mutually beneficial act between two equal partners. The fact that the main opposition to this revised notion of consent is centered around the idea that it might be slightly harder to get laid, because now you actually need a person’s permission to engage in sexual conduct, is a bit incredulous. 

Another fault I find with this argument against a revised notion of consent is the way opponents are twisting the idea of “yes means yes.”  Having to gain clear consent in a situation where a potential partner’s desire’s are unclear isn’t the same as literally having ask for permission if the partner’s body language CLEARLY indicates a sexual interest.  In other words, if one’s partner clearly initiates sexual actions, a verbal yes isn’t needed, as the actions indicate a mutual desire with no doubt.  This new law exists not to ruin everyone’s sex life, but to give more clarity to a very murky situation.